Metanoia

Metanoia is my new favorite word. I've written it on notebooks, and used it as a mantra to my ever expanding life. "a fundamental change of mind and heart". This might be the only word to describe my inner space as of late.
          In one of my classes we have been discussing how it is grace from the a divine mystery that leaves room in our souls for change. In whatever way this concept translates to your understanding of life, it exists. It is seen throughout our lives in various but always significant degrees. It is both the seed of forgiveness and the growth received from acceptance. Grace is in our sorrow as the brief experiences keeping us from utter despair. It is seen in our joys, in our connections with our community and is cultivated by our relationships with others. This often unseen gift is what gives us strength.
         I was coherent enough this morning to watch the winter sky turn from black to pink. I watched from my bed as I was blessed with a dawning of a new day, and I am thankful. Grace.
       With a thankful spirit i see my life has continuously provided me with moments that can only be described as surreal. What is inspiring me, and changing me is not something I am ready to fully share. These are days of which words cannot fully explain. So please pardon the metaphors as they are the only way I know to make sense of it all.
         Moments of clarity are spreading forward like the light of a new day. That is to say I would be crazy to try and capture it. In vain I'm reaching out to slow it down, but all I can do is be present to the mystery as it unfolds. Grace.
           It is familiar, and yet unlike anything I have seen before. Both full of beauty and a nearly paralyzing fear which trudges ahead of impending change. If I examine it closely, it stems from the realization that everything is finite. Though what is life without the acknowledgement of an ending? Beauty would be missed, if infinity assumed. This has led to an honesty within myself that I've never experienced. A return to a mixture of self assurance and insecurity. This is new. This is surreal. This is grace.
          You know that game you play when you are silent with yourself? The magic question. "What would I do if I won the lottery?" or "If my life were a script, how would I write it?" My scene is playing out and all I can say is when the future you want is within your grasp you better leap for it. If I fall flat on my face, I'll get back up. Because I have to believe our experiences are what shape us for the better. All of this is created by listening for my cue. Embracing metanoia. Embracing grace.

-Abp 2016





(Metanoia definition acquired from Dr. Gerry Fialkowski)